Saving Soul

Anja couldn't help but sniffle in response. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and mentally scolded herself. Adair didn't need to worry about her anymore than he already was. She didn't need him feeling sorry for her... But why did she want him to? Why did she want him to comfort her?

"...Anja?" Adair asked. Was she crying?

"What?" Anja snapped before sniffling again. She curled in tighter upon herself, to the point that it was uncomfortable.

Despite his caution he came over closer. She was indeed crying. "What's wrong?"

"Everything!" Anja snapped. "I was supposed to just walk away once we separated, so you could be happy and not guilty about what happened and maybe find someone to spend the rest of your life with, but I had to go and almost die and you and Voltaire risked your necks to save me and its all my fault!" She broke into hysteric sobs, trying to curl into a tighter ball.

When you bottle your feelings away like that, there's bound to be a breaking point, no matter how big the bottle.

Adair shook there in mild shock for a bit, before he knelt down next to her.

"Anja, this isn't your fault," he said softly, stroking her hair. "This...tends to happen when people get too close to us, close to me."

"I didn't want to get close to you!" Anja protested as she sobbed. "It was an accident! That's why I wanted to leave! You don't deserve someone like me! I'm worthless!"

'You're not worthless. You're a good person Anja," Adair told her firmly. He carefully lifted her up and held her. "We want you to get better."

Anja looked up at him helplessly. "I d-don't deserve to get better!" She hiccuped. "I'm not g-good for anything!"

"Shh," said Adair, pulling her closer. "It's alright. It's going to be alright."

Anja clung to him and sobbed into his chest. "Nothing's alright!" She sobbed over and over again.

"Shh...Shh..." Adair soothed, kissing the top of her head.

Anja cried until she couldn't cry anymore. When she was done, she continued to cling to Adair, shake, sniffle and hiccup.

Adair continued to hold her silently, resting his head on top of hers.

"I'm sorry" Anja whispered after a while "I'm so sorry"

"It's alright. It's not your fault," Adair continued to soothe, stroking her hair. "Just get some rest."

Anja nodded but made no move to let the other changeling go. Right now, he was the anchor that kept her from drifting away to be lost deeper in her depression.

Adair went on stroking her hair, not knowing what else to say. Anything vaguely heroic would probably anger her.

Barrett was walking by when he paused to look in. Irritated, Adair spat some fire at him to make him leave.

Anja hiccuped again. She was drifting off, but she didn't want to. She struggled to keep herself awake, scared that she wouldn't wake up if she slept now, but she lost the battle and drifted to sleep resting against Adair's chest.

(your turn to skip to when ready~)

Adair watched her sleep with both relief and sadness

----

A couple more days past. Adair was calmer now but still worried. He hadn't realized she hated herself so much, and he wasn't sure what he could say otherwise that she would believe.

Anja hadn't spoken at all since her breakdown. Even Voltaire had started to notice there was something wrong with her by now.

She was haunted by nightmares. Blue armor and bloodstained swords. Figures engulfed in black and white flames. A gold light and then the blackness of death. Always the same thing.

"She's been too damn quiet," said Voltaire. "I almost want her to insult me."

"Must you always insult her?" Adair growled back. The blood and soul drains had left them both tired and irritable. Luckily Raizin had seemed to grow tired of this and had mostly left them alone for the day.

"Yes," replied Voltaire flatly. "She annoys me, and I annoy her. So we insult each other. The world keeps turning."

"I think she would feel better if you at least try to be nice."

"I don't see her trying," Voltaire replied. "Unless this silence counts. And I don't think it does."

Anja sighed lightly. She way laying on her side again, facing away from the door. She was thirsty, but she wasn't asking for anything to drink. In her self-loathing she was going to punish herself however she could.

She had always been hard on herself. Because of how she was treated after her parents died, she never thought she was good enough. She used to cheer herself up by saying: well, at least I'm human. Now she couldn't even say that. She was the bastard spawn between a human and a demon, and a changeling on top of that. She was worthless.

Adair deserved someone better than that. He was so nice and kind. That's why she had fallen in love with him so easily. She had already been falling for the ex-hero when the squirrel bit him, so his gentleness had only strengthened the feelings. She had wanted to leave them to their own, so that Adair wouldn't feel the same for her, so he could find someone he really deserved.

Then the Gales had to ruin everything.

"Stop fighting," Ava said as she walked in the room. "You two have been so mean to each other lately."

Well you can mostly blame Taire's big mouth for that, thought Adair with some irritation. He left to go check on Anja, which he had been doing a lot these days.

As Ava settled down Voltaire settled miserably under her wing.

Anja was in the some position she had been when he checked on her earlier.